Thursday, August 6, 2009

5th pregnancy

In May, I found out I was pregnant with #5. It has been unlike any pregnancy for me. I have been extremely sick. When I went in for my 12 week appointment, I had an ultrasound and everything looked great, though I was measuring big! I took home pictures, showed the kids, and got excited! 4 Days later, I woke up, went to the bathroom and thought I miscarried. I was devastated! 9 hours later an ultrasound showed the baby doing just fine. Whew, definitely a sigh of relief for me! I went from crying about losing the baby to happily crying about still having it. What an emotional day!!! The loss of whatever... was basically an underdeveloped baby and since that day, I have felt awesome and am no longer measuring big!

On Monday, Aug. 3rd, I went in for my 17 week appointment, only to discover from ultrasound that the baby had died from congenital heart failure. I was beside myself. The Dr. wanted me to know that it wasn't my fault the baby died as my body still thought it was pregnant. I'm glad he told me that even though at the time I wasn't even thinking, "What did I do that might have caused this to happen?" (Eric discovered that 99% of all miscarriages happen before 14 weeks. I'm not sure I like being that 1%...) I was too far along to have a D & C. So, the Dr. sent me home with meds to get my body ready for a scheduled delivery at 6:30am Tuesday. However, the meds worked too well and Eric and I had to deal with it all at home around midnight...not a pleasant experience, but Eric helped me through it. Thank heavens. I didn't want to know if it was a boy or girl. And even though Eric held the baby, he didn't even think to check. He just noticed the 10 fingers and 10 toes and what appeared to be a perfectly formed little baby. It was an emotional day and a hard night. However, I feel great and didn't have to check into the hospital at all, only the Dr's office for a checkup. Let's keep our fingers crossed I don't have to go back into the hospital for excess bleeding, etc... The Dr was more worried and kept saying how sorry he was and asked if I needed sleep meds. I thought, "Are you crazy?" : ) Then I told him I don't need any more drugs and I'm in good spirits! It's nice to have a Dr that wants to take care of me though. : )

The kids took it well. Nicholas said, "Well, now you'll get your energy back!" Cute boy! Positive thinking is wonderful. He keeps asking how I am feeling without the baby and I tell him, I feel fine. Now, I can eat whatever and feel great. I won't have to worry about a new baby during a predicted bad swine flu winter or slipping on the ice being pregnant, etc... So, definitely some positives!

I'm just grateful it all went well and that the worst part is over. I think Eric is extremely worried about me, but we had some great talks and both feel at peace with everything. I feel great and don't cry unless someone has found out and comes over to say sorry and then I might tear up... I must say that before this, I didn't know how to help someone in this situation and now, I've been there and know better how to help someone else. While, I'm not glad to have gone through this, it has definitely opened my eyes to what other women go through. I'm not worried at all and believe me when I say I don't feel sorry for myself in the least. : ) However, I have been feeling a little blue this evening... I think I'll leave it at that.

8 comments:

Diann Ruesch said...

I am so sorry, sweetie! Wish I could give you hugs and hold you tight! Good that you have such a wonderful husband. Hang in there! Glad that you are able to see the positive! We'll keep you in our prayers!

Veronica said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through all this! Your positivity through it all though is truly an inspiration to others...let us know if we can do anything! We love you!

Lindsay said...

Hugs to you, dear friend. I've been there, though not in quite such a dramatic fashion. My heart hurts for your loss but I'm happy to see your perspective.

Jenny said...

Oh dear Stephanie, I am so, so for your hurt and your loss. It sounds like you are recovering well. I'm thankful that Eric is such a wonderful, supportive husband to you. You are truly an inspiration. Like you said, you will have more empathy for others who go through/have gone through a similar experience. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I were there to hug you and bring you flowers. Know I love you!

Jenny said...

p.s. I meant to insert the word 'sorry' in the first sentence. I'm sure you got it! :)

Jenna said...

My heart goes out to you and Eric...and the kids. What a brave/faithful person you are. Your love shows....and your child will be blessed for that...and so will you.

henryteachers said...

Oh Stephanie! I'm so sorry for your loss. What an emotional 4 month roller coaster you have had! You are so brave to share this with all of us. I pray you and Eric will continue to have peace and strength during this difficult time. Love you--Mindy

Chrissie said...

Stephanie,
I am so sorry for what you have been dealing with! I just barely found out. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and pray that you will have continued peace. Love, Chrissie