5th pregnancy

In May, I found out I was pregnant with #5. It has been unlike any pregnancy for me. I have been extremely sick. When I went in for my 12 week appointment, I had an ultrasound and everything looked great, though I was measuring big! I took home pictures, showed the kids, and got excited! 4 Days later, I woke up, went to the bathroom and thought I miscarried. I was devastated! 9 hours later an ultrasound showed the baby doing just fine. Whew, definitely a sigh of relief for me! I went from crying about losing the baby to happily crying about still having it. What an emotional day!!! The loss of whatever... was basically an underdeveloped baby and since that day, I have felt awesome and am no longer measuring big!

On Monday, Aug. 3rd, I went in for my 17 week appointment, only to discover from ultrasound that the baby had died from congenital heart failure. I was beside myself. The Dr. wanted me to know that it wasn't my fault the baby died as my body still thought it was pregnant. I'm glad he told me that even though at the time I wasn't even thinking, "What did I do that might have caused this to happen?" (Eric discovered that 99% of all miscarriages happen before 14 weeks. I'm not sure I like being that 1%...) I was too far along to have a D & C. So, the Dr. sent me home with meds to get my body ready for a scheduled delivery at 6:30am Tuesday. However, the meds worked too well and Eric and I had to deal with it all at home around midnight...not a pleasant experience, but Eric helped me through it. Thank heavens. I didn't want to know if it was a boy or girl. And even though Eric held the baby, he didn't even think to check. He just noticed the 10 fingers and 10 toes and what appeared to be a perfectly formed little baby. It was an emotional day and a hard night. However, I feel great and didn't have to check into the hospital at all, only the Dr's office for a checkup. Let's keep our fingers crossed I don't have to go back into the hospital for excess bleeding, etc... The Dr was more worried and kept saying how sorry he was and asked if I needed sleep meds. I thought, "Are you crazy?" : ) Then I told him I don't need any more drugs and I'm in good spirits! It's nice to have a Dr that wants to take care of me though. : )

The kids took it well. Nicholas said, "Well, now you'll get your energy back!" Cute boy! Positive thinking is wonderful. He keeps asking how I am feeling without the baby and I tell him, I feel fine. Now, I can eat whatever and feel great. I won't have to worry about a new baby during a predicted bad swine flu winter or slipping on the ice being pregnant, etc... So, definitely some positives!

I'm just grateful it all went well and that the worst part is over. I think Eric is extremely worried about me, but we had some great talks and both feel at peace with everything. I feel great and don't cry unless someone has found out and comes over to say sorry and then I might tear up... I must say that before this, I didn't know how to help someone in this situation and now, I've been there and know better how to help someone else. While, I'm not glad to have gone through this, it has definitely opened my eyes to what other women go through. I'm not worried at all and believe me when I say I don't feel sorry for myself in the least. : ) However, I have been feeling a little blue this evening... I think I'll leave it at that.